I want to be perfect

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I want to be perfect. I want to be skinny. I want my collar bones to show. I want to be attractive. I want to be noticed. I want a thigh gap. I want a flat stomach. I want people to like me. I want to be loved. I want skinny arms. I want to be perfect. I want to be perfect so badly. I have the need to be perfect because I can’t stand having everyone looking at me like I am nothing. I need to be perfect because I believe that I should do my best in everything that I do. I want to be perfect because if I am not, I do not deserve to breathe and live on this beautiful world. I want to be perfect because I want to be accepted by people, and yet I do not want to be like them because they are not perfect. I want to be perfect in very possible way but I couldn’t find the definition of perfect. I want to be perfect but no one is perfect so I tell myself that I will be the first one to be perfect.

I am so scared. I am so, so scared. I am so scared that I might tear myself up into pieces and be lost in the abyss and I don’t want to come back. I am so scared. I am so, so scared. I am trying to feel better but I am so scared. I am still so scared no matter how hard I have tried to cover up my emotions. I am so scared. What can I say?

 

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