I told myself that I could live without hatred because I believe that I have lived without it once when I lived in my own world. I told myself that I will be fine when everything is pressing on my heart because everything is so small compared to everything else the world is feeling, the extreme fear of children who would lose their home and family members; the intense pain that everyone in this world has gone through. All the things that I am feeling are next to nothing and I do not understand why I am overreacting. I am scared that I might be consumed by the fear and tears in me, I am afraid that I will be gone when I finally realise who I really am. I am so scared of the world but there is no one there to hold me and I turn around in moments of despair just to realise there is none other then darkness standing behind of me. It may be hard and it may be tough but I genuinely believe that if we hold on, we can make it through. We have seen too much and learnt too much to understand and realise that there is nothing that we can actually hold on to and that everything is temporary. Everything is so temporary that while I am looking at you, you are disintegrating into millions of particles and you are never here in the first place because we are nothing at all. We are made up of tiny particles with so much space in between that we are nothing at all. To look into the mirror and see myself and realise I am made of nothing. I am made of nothing, which means I am nothing. I don’t want to be nothing. I want to be seen, I want to be helped sometimes. I need someone to to see me as who I am. I need someone to love me.
It is hard being alone but I truly believe that I will grow into someone who doesn’t have a choice but to be strong.