30th March, 2014

I am a mentor to this 11-year-old child. He hates studying so much that whenever I ask him to write down a few Chinese characters he would complain and say that he is tremendously tired. He would complain to his parents that I am overloading him with homework and his parents would contact me and ask me to not give him any homework. 

I understand fully that I am being paid to give tuition to this child and I have to listen to the orders given by his parents and that I should not go against them. But I can’t help thinking. I was not a big fan of the education system in the government but yet I still study for the sake of excelling even though I hated studying and all I cared about since young is to learn. I love to learn new things, I just do not like the idea of studying to pass exams. Recently, I had a teacher who taught me for the sake of giving us knowledge but he was fired by the college because students couldn’t do well in their subject and they blamed him for not bringing us through the steps required in exams. I was disappointed with this fact and I hated the way my friends think that I have stopped talking to them as much. And still, I move on. I learn all I can and apply them in my exams. I do not really care about my marks and how I do in my exams and I do not care how my friends do in their exams because I sincerely believe that as long as I have the knowledge in me, the A, B and C system does not matter.

He would not improve if he continue on being like this, being lazy and not doing whatever I have asked him to do. I do not expect him to do the things and workload that I had once when I was a child because my parents aspired me to succeed in my life, even though I am not a child who listens completely to my parents. I make my own choices and I weigh my consequences very carefully since a very young age. I grow up too fast and I missed out a lot of fun in life. That is why I do not press when he says he does not want to study. I wish that he could have the childhood that he is having now. He is happy and he is enjoying his time when he is not studying. He is not growing up as fast as I did. The society was a dark and horrible place to me when I was only 10 years old. When I was 13, I hated the world because I could not find love in the world and that I was disappointed by the people who were around me at that time. When I was 14, I forced myself to let go of all the emotions in me because it hurt too much to feel and I expect too much from others because I would do as much for them too. When I was 15, I hated the world deeply. I hated everyone. I hated the things in life and I hated the society because it seemed like no one was doing the right thing. When I was 17, I realized that I was an idiot for waiting for others to make a change to this world and that I should start. When I was 18, I fell in love with this certain boy that he taught me to see the world through his sadness and his depression, that I realize that wanting to change the world is impossible if I do not change myself. It was also when I was 18 that he left me after making me loving him so dearly that I had become so strong that it is almost impossible to break me down. I fell in love twice when I was 18 and both of them had told me that they would never leave me and yet they left, making me impossible to break.

And I look at him. I wonder, why are we trying so hard to make the world a better place when children nowadays are like this? Not wanting to learn, taking everything for granted and being so egoistic? I do not have the rights to say much because the things I don’t know are just too much and whatever I have learnt might not be right and they are so little, so little to be even mentioned. I look at him, I do not understand why is it so hard for him to see the world as a bigger picture and not him as a king where everyone has to obey him? 

What will become to our future generations? I don’t want to be young and wise but I do not want to see the world deteriorate in any way. I wonder what I can do to change him. I wonder what I can do to make him see. I wonder. I really wonder. I have told him so much about the world and the things that he needs to understand but he keeps on coming back at me with questions that are so disappointing. 

What can I do to make him see that he is not the only one in this world and he needs to broaden his perspectives? 

I know one thing: I know nothing.


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