When I look at your sadness, it feels as if I am seeing myself again and I think back to all the times when I was sad and there was no one there for me. I look at you, hoping that I can help you in so many ways but you never let anyone help you. I wish to say the right thing, but I can’t find the right words. I wish to tell you that everything will be okay but I know that no matter what people tell you right now, you won’t believe a single word because you are so consumed by your own sadness.
I have been there and I know how hard it really is to open yourself up to people. But I want to help you so badly too. I don’t want to see anyone as sad and depressed. I don’t wish to see how hard people have cried during the nights. I don’t wish to think that you have cried at night alone and you have to wake up early in the morning and face a whole new world all by yourself.
The sadness is so consuming. The sadness is so overwhelming. I need someone to help me out from the sadness. This is not depression. This is mild depression because I can still feel myself breaking down. I can feel the weight on my heart, pressing me down into pieces and not letting me breathe. I can feel my heart beating against my ribs and I can feel the pain of heart break. It feels so real and it feels like it is happening now, right this moment when I try to breathe. It is so real.
Your sadness is overwhelming because you say you are sad, but you never try to throw it away, you wish to stay in your sadness. I don’t know why. You wish to be in your sadness and you do not want to give it up. His sadness is different. His sadness is beautiful. He looks at the world, trying to find something that makes him happy, and yet, again and again, he is let down by the world. So, he moves forward, without limit, trying to force himself through the barriers set by the world, trying to find his happiness. You are different because you stop. You stop when your sadness consumes you. When sadness consumes him, he rises.
I wish that you can talk to him, maybe he will bring you out of your sadness. But you just won’t accept the things in the world. You look at the world not with his and my perspectives. You look at the world in 180 degrees while we look at the world in 360 degrees. We look at everything, even if it brings us back to point zero. You don’t. You shut yourself out, just like how I used to.
I want to help you so badly. I will try to help you. But I myself am already in pieces.
I will be there for you. No matter how bad things can be.