Some days, I would hold my hand out and look at it. I turn my palm, usually my left hand and look at it. I would touch my pulse and I would look at my nails, my fingers, the wrinkles that I have on my hand. I would turn my hand over and look at my palm and wonder, endlessly, what could I possible catch?
I don’t know where time goes, it just seems to pass me by. I would wake up from an unplanned nap and realise that so much time ha passed and I have not done anything productive the whole time. I would work on my work all day long and when I look at the clock and recount back the things that I have done throughout the day, I would realise that it is not a productive day at all. I wish to get back the time that I have missed and the moments that have passed me by, I wish to look at them or watch at them, once again, just to relive and feel the moments ago, whether it is happy, ugly, beautiful, or hurtful, I would love to relive some parts of my life again because everything that has happened in my life carries its own beauty that can’t be said, that can’t be explained because no words can ever describe them. I believe everyone has these moments where we are all at lost of words, when we can’t find the right words to describe the feelings in our heart, the emotions that surge through our veins like adrenaline.
Time passes me by, just like that, into slits that I don’t know exist. I look at my hand, trying to catch time, trying to hold onto time. But I can’t find where the slits are. I wonder, if I could find where time has gone to, would I be able to get back the beautiful feelings that i have had, feelings like falling in love for the first time, hearing my first love call me beautiful for the first time and the emotions I had when my first love broke me apart.
I have wasted a lot of my time. If I could, I would go into the slits of time to get them all back and I believe that with all the time that I have wasted, I could read so many books and I could write so many stories, whether down in paper, typing them out or just merely in my head, imagining the things that could have happened but have never happened. I have wasted my time just sitting there, singing melodies from nowhere, getting my imaginations in motion and thinking about the world that I have created in my head where I belong to the people I love deeply and the world where promises are never broken. I would just sit there, wasting my time, day by day, regretting it again and again, but still wondering if I could ever do it again.
Time you enjoy wasting is not time wasted.
Oh, how I love this quote. It just gives me another reason to waste time with no guilt. I would continue on my journey of daydreaming and being unproductive, constantly singing melodies that pop into my head and constantly writing thoughts from my mind, constantly trying to find ways to articulate my thoughts into words and constantly not finishing my college work.
Just look at those piles of homework that I have accumulated.