Thoughts into Words

I don’t know what kind of person I am. I don’t know how to describe myself. One of the hardest questions that I have ever encountered in my life is “Please tell me more about yourself”. I don’t know who I am. I don’t know half the things I am doing. I don’t know what I am feeling. I don’t know my personality is because whenever I take a personality test, I wouldn’t really fit in any profiles because the traits will even out. I don’t know what I am. 

I don’t know what I am doing here.

I never knew how to speak in front of a crowd and hence I have troubles putting my thoughts into words. I do not have the ability to articulate my thoughts into words. I have overwhelming feelings inside of me and yet I can’t find the right words to express everything out. It feels hard, sometimes, to feel so much and yet finding no words to describe one tenth of the things I am feeling. I want to tell so many people how I really feel about them, I want to tell them that they are very important to me, I want to tell them that they are more than amazing. I want to tell so many people so many things but when I stand in front of them, I would lose my ability to talk. I would lose my ability to think. I could talk and talk and talk in front of the mirror without stopping forever. I could sing and dance and sweep through the air without a care in the world when I am alone. To lose all those abilities when I am in front of people is hard.

Oh if I could, I would tell you how much I loved you, but I didn’t because when I stood in front of you, I lost the ability to talk. I lost the ability to tell you the things that I was feeling and that you were a very important person in my life. When you were there, I wanted to tell you how much I appreciated you but I didn’t, because I didn’t know what to say when you were looking at me.

Oh, life.

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