I wonder

Have you ever wondered whether you deserve to live on this planet? 

Have you ever walked into the halls of college or high school and look around, to see so many people and yet there is no one in the halls that you can truly connect with? Have you wondered whether you lack emotions because you do not feel as much as the others? Have you wondered why you are not crying during graduation and you feel happy instead because you can have a new start? Have you ever wondered whether you are someone from another planet and maybe you do not belong to the planet Earth because you can’t connect with another else in this world? 

Have you ever tried looking into the space and wondered who is everyone that is standing next to you? 

Have you ever cried when you are laughing? Have you ever hold the broken pieces of everyone when you can’t even see the dust you become? 

Have you ever wondered why you are crying when no one else cares and during parties when everyone is leaping with joy you feel nothing because you think there is nothing to be happy about? Have you ever had the thought that being alone is better than being with the crowd? 

Have you ever wondered that maybe you are not in this world and that the body in this world is just a container for your spirit which comes from the space?  

When you stopped for a second, have you ever wondered why they would not be anyone in this world that is willing to stop for us? 

Have you ever looked at the people you would cross oceans for and wondered why it is so hard for them to even jump puddles for us? 

Have you ever stopped and looked back? 

To see the people that would do all of these for us and yet we can’t see them because we are too absorbed in our own worlds, because we have sank so deep in the ocean of depression and we can’t find or see anything else. To see the ones that really love us but we have taken them for granted because it seems like they would never leave us. Why would we constantly ask questions to the world, big questions and yet the simple answers that are there cannot never satisfy our thirst?  

Have you ever loved? 

What is love, really? 

Is love something physical? Why is emotional connection not enough? Why do we have to touch to feel the love? Why can’t we love through nothingness? Why can’t we love through borders? Why can’t we love through our emotions? 

Why am I so detached from the world? A part of me wants to reach out into the society’s reality and find someone to connect with. Another part of me just wants to stay in my own reality, singing and dancing to the music that my soul emits. I have tried to be there, to be in your reality and to be everything you need.  

And yet, when I cross oceans for you, you walk away from jumping puddles for me.


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