When I was younger, I wished that I could sleep forever. I would go into my room without saying a word. I would lie on my bed and sometimes I would cry and prayed that I would sleep forever. I wanted to run away but I did not know where to go, so I chose to sleep. I wanted to sleep forever and never I did not want to wake up. Even if I wished to wake up from my dreams, I hoped that everything would be over and I would not have to deal with the things that were surrounding me in my life before. It was silly, to run away from problems and not wanting to face the problems. It was silly so I walked out the room with a stiff face and dealt with everything. Wearing the stiff face, my heart was looking for a way to run away. I was seeking for a way to run away constantly and my answer was to sleep. Yet, experiences did change me. I lost my touch of softness and I was able to face all the problems that came to me later on in my teenage years without cringing as much as I did when I was younger.
Yet the words still ring in my head. Wake me up when the time is right.
They would call me strong and hard, not backing down from any problems in this world when I was slightly younger than I am now. I was famous for not being cold and I was famous for being the loner. It was not because I did not want to be with people, it was more towards I was afraid to let people see me inside, where I was allowed to be scared and afraid and nervous and wanting to run away sometimes. I dealt with things that I was scared of and I walked into situations that I was afraid of. I felt tiny, yet I put on a show in front of an audience and spoke with an air of arrogance. I was known to be arrogant and hard to approach. I was said to be hard to impress because I would not smile much. I would keep my face and I would only smile at people that I though treated me genuinely. I was scared to be hurt and I made up the logic that if I did not want to be hurt, I needed to get away from everyone. I was right. I was not hurt.
But there was not much fun either.
I was stubborn. I am still stubborn, believing in dreams and hopes even though there are people telling me to be more realistic. I am realistic, just that I am over-ambitious at times. There is only one person who I have let into my life a while ago to see who I really am because I fell in love. It was hard for me to believe that I have let someone into my life and to let him destroyed me. When he left, I was devastated and I could not really find directions. But I was fine because I had been through the lost sea once. I got back alright. One thing that I learnt in that relationship, is that I was not emotionless.
He taught me to love even after leaving.
I loved him, so I guess, I opened up a box where I kept my emotions. It was hard to have someone hurt you so badly even after you gave them your trust, but I learnt that life is so much more than to trying to keep myself from being hurt.
Feeling my way through the darkness, guided by a beating heart. I can’t tell where the journey will end, but I know where to start.
They tell me I am too young to understand. They say I am caught up in a dream. Life will pass me by if I don’t open up my eyes. That’s fine by me.
Wake me up when it is all over, when I am wiser and older. All this time I was finding myself, and I didn’t know that I was lost.
AVICII – Wake Me Up