I had to study. I had to be one of the best in my grades. I was not pretty and I was not popular. I was just smart. I was not accepted by the crowds, by people my age. I was criticized and I was condemned. I was not the kind of girl where people would look at twice. I was not the girl who people would talk to. Just because I was not beautiful. I was not perfect. I was more than imperfect. So, I had to study to be one of the best in my grades because that would be all I had.
I walked away from people because the criticism was too much, always condemning me, no matter how hard I tried to be like ‘them’. I was fed up with trying so hard. I was stubborn and I did not see them as anywhere near perfect so I gave up trying to be like them. I spent my time with my books and I spent my time alone, trying to be the girl who had all the knowledge in her, even without friends would be fine. I thought to myself that life was beautiful enough for me, even though there were things that I would love to do with the people that would consider me as important.
Well, then I met a person who had changed my view.
When I fell for him, he was someone my close friend liked for a very long time. I thought to myself that it did not matter, I did not need anyone anyway. So, I walked out of my love.
Then, I met the person again.
This time, he told me he had a crush on me since a long time ago and my passivity kept him away.
Was it my fault?
I did not know but I blamed myself, because being loved by him was beautiful and I would love him again if we would meet again. It was a painful relationship but I had learnt so much.
Study? It was important and it is still important to me, but I see the world so differently now. I never wore anything besides black and grey before, but now I dress with a color that is too bright to be stared at. Instead of glancing at people, I would look and if they turn, I would smile and if I have the chance, I would tell them that they are beautiful. There is so much more to life than just focusing on keeping myself from being hurt. I walked under the sun before without looking up, but now, I walk with the sun, with the moon and with everything that can be seen by my eyes which have a limit of only looking at visible lights, missing out all the other electromagnetic waves. Yet, life is beautiful enough.
I have a dream. I choose to work under pressure because I seek pleasure in pressure and I seek pleasure in achieving something I worked so hard for. I love the way life is. I guess, if things are too busy, we just have to look up from our pile of work and enjoy what we have. I have an amazing friend who would always work with me and the time that I spend with him is terrific. I love listening to stories he has to tell and I love the way he thinks. Such beauty.
I work with a pressure in me, yet when I come in touch with people, their energy brings me a happiness that can’t be described.
I aspire to be a doctor and I will walk the globe with a dream to meet as many people as possible, everyone is significant and if I have the honor to listen the stories that are being written now, this very moment, this very second, how wonderful life would be for me.
Yes, I have lost my link from my childhood, but who says it’s too late to start?