Emotions

Always chasing someone who we thought are important; always going after the people who we thought we could not live without; always looking after someone who we thought are more valuable than the rest. Always chasing, always going after, always looking for. Always.

Yet.

Times when we are down with the burden of everything, when we reach out, these are the people who would tell us that they are busy. These are the people that would think that we are not worth their time. These are the people who would walk away without glancing back, no matter how many times we have tried to ask for their help. These are the people that we would expect them to help, because we have been there all along. Yet, these are the people who would not help.

Because they take for granted our presence and the things we do, I suppose. I don’t know.

There are people, too, who would always stay. There are people, who would help even if we have never asked. There are people who would ask whether we are okay. There are people who would jump oceans for us when we have not even looked at them. There are people who would wonder if we are doing okay when we are not replying. There are people who would knock on your door and ask whether you need someone. There are people who wold ask you whether the weather is nice. There are people who would get you a cup of water when you are working with pressure in you. There are people who would just walk into your room and clean up your tears when the days are bad.

These people are not only your family, but also people, your friends who never thought are important.

I guess, when we are all chasing after someone else, we forget to look back to see who is after as well.

Well.

When you turn and find someone there, ready to hold you when you break down, ready to hold your world up when you have to stop and rest for a while, ready to just tell you you are okay, isn’t that wonderful and nice? Why do we run after people who would never look at us twice? Why do we run after people who never make time for us? Why would we chase after people who would not listen to us? What are we thinking?

When you look a little close, you might realize that there are so many people caring for you and there are so many people who would cross oceans for you and that is enough, isn’t it? What are we trying to accomplish, running after things and people that are not as beautiful than the things and the people we love and have? When you feel a little deeper, you might realize that there are so much emotions running across us, there are so much emotions in this world that we have missed because we are too busy looking at the ‘picture’. There are so many little things in life that we have missed just because we are being ourselves, deluding ourselves that money brings a certain satisfaction. We are deluding ourselves too much, aren’t we?

I am not an artist, nor am I a photographer who takes down photos of life. I am not someone special, nor am I a unique person. I am just a normal girl, living life the way I want to. I love the things that I am doing now and I would try my best to do the things that I want to do, now or in the future. I do not put too much trust in my future because it can be severed by a sharp knife. I glide through my life, learning all I have to learn and love all I have to love. There are people that I love, yet they never love me the way I love them, and yet there are people that I have not really looked at, which saddened me, because they are one of the best people I have in my life. I have taken them for granted and when they show a side of them, it is so beautiful and I want to capture all these moments and I want to keep them inside of me forever. I don’t need to be extra smart or extra creative, but I need my brain to remember all these moments, all these emotions that are flowing in this place, right now, right this moment. I can’t afford to let all these emotions go, they are so beautiful, it is impossible. I am not anyone special, yet I am one of the luckiest person in this world. I have people that love me, I have people who say that they don’t love me, yet the care that they give me is so much that I am not worthy of. I have people that will always stay with me. I have people who would do anything for me.

And all of this will end once I grow up and step out of this place. I don’t want to grow up. I don’t want all of these to end. I want to continue living in this place where emotions are too much to contain. I want to live in this place where people would stay forever. I want to live in this place where I would have all the best people in my life. I don’t want to leave them, nor do I want them to leave me.

There is a saying that if you don’t want people to walk out of your life, you should walk away first, so you don’t have to see all the pain and tears that will be left behind. I did it for quite sometime, protecting myself.

Now, I would let all of you walk away first. I would stand and watch, with the pain searing in me. It doesn’t matter. Because as long as you are fine and not hurt, that is enough for me.

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